Then why do I feel like such an idiot....

I can't help my thoughts wondering...wandering...  I miss him, even if the time apart has been short.  Will it only get longer?  Will he disappear?

Please, God....don't let him disappear.  Let him come back, let him be safe...

I know....I know my dreams may not be fulfilled....but please bring him back. 

Just wanted to put these somewhere. ^^

Mr. ATL as human and wolf, and me if I shed some weight, heheh.

Made at http://www.tektek.org/dream

ADDS:

Rapidghoul and Rash from Retro, along with Devona in wolf and tywimn form (though she's missing her wings for the latter)

Mr. ATL thought he should look buffer, so I used different tops, and made another me.

Looking back on a broken day
When love seemed stolen, swept away
A friend that fell for another friend
A heart freshly wounded, longing for mend

Admittedly, those who saw on Diaryland know what I'm talking about.  The soul mate who ended up falling for another girl.  That girl was a friend of ours, one who'd recently departed from an engagement.  I did feel rather lacking in worth when that happened.  The question couldn't help forming in my mind, "Why did he choose her over me?  Aren't I worth something?"

That's when he came...the man who currently is the owner of my heart.  At first, that was not the plan.  He came across as some gents typically seem to, being friendly and flirtatious, allowing some indulgence into affection.  But there was conversation that came along...concern and fondness that grew.  And I fell for him.  Even knowing that he did not desire a 'deep romantic relationship', I began to love him.  And he saw it.  He saw it in my willingness and desire and care, asking on voice chat one day in such a soft voice, "You love me....  You love me, don't you?"  He allowed me to love him, even though he felt that what feelings he held for me were not the same.  He was glad that I loved him, relished in it.

There are many things though that have him wonder what to do with me.  There is a lust within him that he fears.  His heart has been brutally broken to the point that he is scared to trust.  He wonders if perhaps I am not right for him.  But there is a longing....a desire to see each other and discover what would come of it.  Talks of meeting one another have been in the air for the past month or so.

And then...the soul mate and the girl he fell for meet.

I can't help reading her memories of their meeting.  I look at it and wish that I could have that with the man I love.  I honestly wonder if that would have happened with me if the soul mate had chosen me.  I imagine it would have....which does leave a bit of sadness in my mind.  But there are "what ifs" and there is reality.  He *didn't* choose me.  And I want to be with someone who *would* choose me.  I am not wholly certain if the one who bears my heart will....but I want to wait and see.

Their hearts unite in a dream come true
And I long to experience my own dream too
Hoping that shade on the horizon I see
Is my intended love coming for me

Seeing another's come true...I'm wanting to dream...

There's a man.  His features aren't clear...soft, unsharpened...but there are things that come into place.  Brown hair, blue eyes, a square jawline, broad shoulders, white skin, only slightly taller than myself....  We're in some airport, and smile as we realize who each other is.  I'm unsure if affection is welcome, so I hesitate...he goes ahead and touches my shoulder, a minor gratification.  We find our way to our transport and drive.

I don't know for certain where we are...my place, his, a room... I feel shy, but try to speak, try to be beautiful and sweet and silly.  I believe his eyes and ears are drinking it all in, admiring it, enjoying it.  I cannot help adoring him, lost in his voice, in his eyes as he looks at me.  There's a yearning brewing between us...we both long to give in...

And we do.  Hands seek skin, lips seek lips, bodies press close... Hormones and emotions entwined in their fiery dance...

We try to spend the days like visitors in a new land.  Explore cities, parks...wander in the sunlight with smiles and laughter...  We gather food to prepare together in a kitchen, cooking and talking, perhaps a drink...

The dance would lure us in again...

This would go on for a few days...as many as could be granted...and one day we would have to return to that airport.  I'd be unable to hide the tears...he'd offer comfort...it is not goodbye...

"Until we meet again..."